Thursday, March 17, 2005
Six foot Emperor Penguin vs. Level 75 Paladin
Sure everybody knows that Emperor penguins only grow up to 3.6 feet tall, and that a level 75 Paladin is absurd and completely fictional but this fight takes place in someone’s head. What exactly is a paladin, I’m not to sure. Can a penguin wrestle him into submission? Well, I plan to find out.
Six foot Emperor Penguin:
- spend entire lives in Antarctic
- Can dive to 1700 feet and stay submerged up to 22 min
- Can survive -80 F and 110 mph winds
- Weighs about 188 lbs
- Instead of contracting Mesothelioma, or Berylliosis, he unexplainably mutated to six feet after contact with toxic waste from the TGRI (Techno Global Research Institute)
Level 75 Paladin:
- Has a sword-of-something, preferably something elemental, dragon, or middle earth related
- Main job is to defeat undead enemies
- Can absorb a high amount of hits
- Can only cast mainly defensive spells
- Specializes in close-range combat
- Even though it’s denied, obviously the Paladin uses some sort of mana
Side note on mana: Just what in the hell is mana anyway? Why does every freakin game that has some thing to do with spells also has mana. If I ate three boxes of crispy cream donuts would I get a mana + 5 advancement rate. Would I then be able to wield the sword of dragons fire mana and wear level 43 dwarf wizard gold armor? Then do I lose some mana if I take a shit? Here is another mana related link
Winner: Penguin. Mr. Paladin first sees Penguin in a drunken hallucination - It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around. I gotta send you back to the South Pole! Unfortunately he’s all out of freakin mana and really he can only cast a defensive spell if he had some. On the other hand Penguin can survive about 1700 feet of water pressure, and doesn’t give a damn about mana.
Still, judging from what we've seen during our RV travels, more than just a handful of people travel with their pot-bellied pigs. Before you bring one home for a pet you should consider that they are nocturnal and will be most active in the evening or at night.