Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Osama Bin Laden vs. Saddam Hussein

Osama vs Hussein

Special news announcement: CIA, FBI, DOD, IRS – they both owe back taxes, FDA – maybe not so much them, but all the other various government agency acronyms have come up with a half-baked harebrain scheme to pit Hussein versus Bin Laden on the island of Alcatraz. This is going to be a terrorist leader extraordinaire on the most notorious prison in American history.
Terror stats:

Osama Bin Laden:
- Lives holed up in a mud hut in Pakistan’s treacherous border
- Entourage – about 3,000 Islamic militants followers and less than 20 close fanatical guards that know his location and, they would all die before they give him up (or accept 20 American dollars, a Maxim magazine, and a six pack of Budwiser)
- Other associates : Ayman al-Zawahiri, Muhammed Atef, Michael Moore
- Likes to use encrypted floppy disks to talk to his people - sneaker-net style
- Has people in 60 countries and 37 thousand Starbuck world wide
- Used to have about $300 million dollars (Coincidently the same estimate as the Olson Twins)
- Future plans: assassinate officials using poison, try to get chemical, biological, radioactive, and pornographic material
- He has an enlarged heart (because he loves so much), chronically low blood pressure, missing toes on one foot (lost in an auto-erotic asphyxiation accident), dependent on kidney dialysis, and is a hypochondriac – stop faking
- Has taken aid and training from the CIA to fight the Soviet Union
- Born: July 30, 1957 and has 20 brothers (Holy shit)
- Has a degree in public administration
- Likes to masturbate in apple pie

Saddam Hussein:
- Spent $8 billion on nuclear weapons and came away with absolutely nothing
- Likes political repression, human rights violations, torture, assassination, and long walks on the beach
- Born: April 28, 1937 and raised in the farming village of Tikrit
- Got his own and his son’s asses kicked by about 250,000 U.S. and 45,000 British soldiers
- Captured in December 2003
- Entourage – Abdul Tawab Mullah Huwaysh and Taha Muhy-ud-Din Maruf, and two very dead sons Uday and Qusay
- Joined the Ba'ath Socialist party in 1957
- Went to jail back in 1963 for a few years and then escaped
- Sure was fond of chemical and biological weapons, and “I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meatloaf back in 1993
- Was all about the U.N. oil-for-food program and the billions he got from it.
- Led a war against Iran
- About 100 billion dollars in debt after the Iran-Iraq war
- Molests little boys who have cancer at his ranch in California

Winner: What are you kidding me? Both these guys suck. When we’ve got them both on Alcatraz we just shoot a cruise missile right into the middle of the island and put them both out of their misery. Controversial? – Probably. Truthful? – Definitely.
Ok, that is just plain hilarious..nice blog.
I think I love you.
Glad you guys like it. Always appreciate a comment.
I will bookmark this blog. :)
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