Thursday, March 24, 2005
Mr. Monk vs. The Soup Nazi
Neuroticism at its best. How do these two end up meeting? Monk (no not your Buddhist type monk) is assigned a murder case involving a short order cook employee who went ballistic on a customer. Can you guess who? Yes, you did guess right: it’s that fat, grungy, foul smelling guy with nasty long-ass fingernails that hasn’t bathed since Jordan played for the Chicago Bulls, and he works at McDonalds. … Oh yea, back to The Soup Nazi - he just happens to have a store that is on the next block over from that McDonalds, and Monk decides to go inside for some soup. I forgot to mention Monk has been transformed into a 50 foot ape-monster and Soup Nazi was mutated by atomic radiation into a huge dinosaur-like creature with a hatred for Tokyo and its people.
Your very own personal atomic neurostats:
- Once a member of the San Francisco Police Department
- Severely suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder (could you please arrange your #2 pencils from least amount of eraser to most amount of eraser)
- Plagued by various phobias including: germs, heights, crowds, and milk ( - I’m kind of scared of milk myself)
- He is an extremely intelligent private consultant with an unorthodox approach to crime
- A gigantic, primitive, angry, demonic, primordial ape with a violent sexual desire and a love for climbing tall buildings (I also love whiskey)
- An insatiably love for organization and order that borders on a pathological and irrational obsession for his store and all people ordering soup
- Hates any customers with any type of enthusiasm or emotion (I definitely work with this guy)
- Resides at Soup Kitchen International located at 7th Ave. and West 53rd st according to this link
- Also has an incredible strength and a destructive fire/atomic blast
- Likes to visit Japan and it inhabitants on a regular basis to destroy everything in it's sight
- A cross between a stegosaurus, a tyrannosaurus rex, and a short order cook that was frozen for millions of years until awakened by atomic testing
- Arch enemy: Mothra, Seinfeld, and Tokyo
Side note: This one time at Band Camp, Wolf-Man Jack says “stay in school kids”
Winner: Monk Kong. Yea that’s right I said it … what of it? Oh, you want to know why. Ok, Monk walks into the Soup Kitchen International and inevitably see something wrong with the picture – too much soup in the ladles. He immediately points this out to Mr. Soup Nazi who transforms into Soup Nazi-zilla because he did not place his money on the counter and move to his left. (Sure, I’m f*cked-up in the cabeza but I also have internet access). Monk then proceeds to summon Monk Kong the raging gorilla beast. After a fierce battle, large buildings are in ruble, toxic chemical fires are rampat, and mass pandemonium breaks out on 7th Avenue. Monk Kong then rips out Soup Nazi-zilla's heart and eats it after a blood-curdling cry.
-check out this guys page: Duck Power, he recommended this fight and he’s pretty random too - all hail randomness.