Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Dr. Pepper vs. Dr. Kevorkian


One helps you kill your self; the other tastes pretty damn good – especially with Bacardi 151. They may have different PhDs in separate fields; but, seeing two doctors fight to the death is always engaging and somewhat educational. Theses two are to doctors, what paper and rock are to paper, rock and scissors (pretty much the best analogy ever). For example: it’s a proven fact that Dr. Dre, Doc Holliday, Dr. Laura, Dr. Seuss, and Dr. Livingstone, all have studied under at least one of them at some point in time.
Your stats, I presume:

Dr. Pepper:
- Apparently able to make the World Taste Better
- Full name Dr. Charles “Pepper”
- Supports educational scholarships and creates community outreach programs
- Referred to as the King of Beverages in 1910 (preMountain Dew era)
- Originally made in Waco, Texas in Morrison’s Old Corner Drug Store
- Born in 1885
- Original called Waco shooters
- Original recipe contained 100% uncut, good old American pure cane sugar – the good stuff
- Got about 20 million people hooked at the world fair in 1904
- Oldest major manufacturer of soft drink concentrates and syrups in the United States

Dr. Kevorkian:
- A notorious general practitioner with a dubious distinction who believes in the "right to die"
- Responsible for the suicides of over 100 people
- Currently resides in a prison in Michigan
- Born in 1928 in Pontiac, Michigan
- Affectionately referred to as “Doctor Death”
- Been employed as chief pathologist at Saratoga General Hospital in Detroit – just like Eminem
- Published in Medicine and Law, and The American Journal of Clinical Pathology

Winner: Dr. Pepper. Jack Kevorkian starts off tying to hook Dr. Pepper up to his death machine with the promise of making his beverage outsell Coca-Cola. Foolishly Dr. Pepper accepts this until the machine crashes into the dreaded Windows: blue screen of death because he was trying to use iTunes in the background. Pepper then realizes what’s happening and rips the machine out of the wall socket. Kevorkian then explains that Dr. Peeper has made a powerfully enemy today and attempts a deadly suicide kick to the temple. Dr. Pepper easily dodges it, then “assists” Dr. Kevorkian into a flaming pit of piranhas and ninja stars … the end. – Sorry my ADD just kicked in. Blog at-cha.
You can still buy original Dr. Pepper here in Texas. It's an incredible taste experience!
You must begin to blog again! lmao This is just too funny to give up!
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Hi, I just found your blogpost. When I was in college, we decorated our dorm lounge for Halloween and some guys wrote silly names for the sodas and taped them to the buttons on the soda vending machine we had in the lounge. On Dr Pepper they put "Dr. Kevorkian." I remember this and Googled "Dr. Pepper" "Dr. Kevorkian" and your blog came up.. This was interesting
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