Sunday, February 27, 2005

Sea Biscuit vs. Mr. Ed

sea biscuit vs mr ed

It’s common knowledge that Sea Biscuit could not plausibly fight Mr. Ed due to the fact that Sea Biscuit was from the 1930s and Mr. Ed was around in 1963. But, it just so happens that we have a little car called a Delorean and we crammed him in there and shot him back in time; problem solved. Now you could say that Sea Biscuit is an old fashion type horse and has a serious personality clash with Mr. Ed’s Hollywood type appeal. A few beers later they are ready to rumble.
Her are your stats:

Sea Biscuit
- First victory in stakes race at age two
- A national icon during the darkest years of the Depression
- Rough-hewn, undersized, and bad knees
- Side kick : legendary half-blind jockey Red Pollard and super awesome monkey named JoJo (this is true)
- Raced in 89 races and won 33
- Arch Enemy : War Admiral: a pure evil, devious, sadistic rival racing horse
- Favorite activity : Sleep
- Born 1933 died 1947

Mr. Ed
- Capable of communicating in English with humans
- Flown an airplane, gave a birthday party, drove a delivery truck, and rode a surfboard
- Related to Francis The Talking Mule
- Side kick : An architect name Wilbur Post
- Didn’t do his own stunts
- Alias : Bamboo Harvest: a parade and show horse
- Chess Player
- Born 1951 died 1970

Mr. Ed definitely out weighs Sea Biscuit and probably has a little more dexterity considering his surfing ability. On the other hand, JoJo the monkey, Sea Biscuit’s companion could undeniably crush Wilbur Post in some kind of berserk monkey rage. Unfortunately this is only a one horse on horse fight.

Winner: Sea Biscuit; No not because his movie was inspirational or anything like that. He won because Mr. Ed is a phony. He doesn’t even do all his own stunts. And besides Bamboo Harvest sounds a little gay to me.
Mr. Ed has to lose just for the fact that Wilbur was an pain in the ass.
Plus it would be pretty sweet to see a monkey kick his ass.
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